Naughty Words

Someone (I think it was Heinlein, but I can't find the quote) once described the process of writing for children as, "you write a book for adults, and then take out all the sex and the bad language." These days, if you write a YA kid's book, you can actually leave in the sex and the bad language provided that you don't actually get completely graphic with the sex. (Despite the fact that nearly everyone I know seems to have read Jean Auel and V.C. Andrews at about age 12, they weren't marketed as YA, and that makes all the difference.)

Anyway, my current project is intended as a middle grade book (something that would be shelved with the children's fiction at the library, rather than off in the YA or Teen section). So bad language is out. (And even not-really-all-that-bad language will outrage some people, like the ones who freaked out over the word "scrotum" on the first page of The Higher Power of Lucky.)

But kids do use strong language. Some kids, when in need of an expletive, just go ahead and swear. Others use some substitute -- fudge, sugar, etc. But "fudge" sounds ridiculous enough when said out loud as an expletive; it's even sillier when it's written on a page, at least if the kid is really supposed to be upset.

Since this book is also SF and set several hundred years in the future, they could also just use made-up futuristic swear words. Maybe in the 25th century, "shuzbot" is the nastiest, vilest word you could possibly say. Except made-up swear words also tend to sound really silly to me -- especially, again, when they're written down.

Battlestar Galactica uses the word "frak" and swaps it in 1:1 for the f-word. I read a blog post somewhere recently complaining about made-up swear words in which they complained specifically about that one (and also "shards!" from Anne McCaffrey's Dragon books). I actually quite like frak; it sounds right for a swear word to me. Plus I read a comment from someone involved with the show who was positively gleeful about the fact that for all intents and purposes they were using the f-word freely on broadcast TV and no one was complaining. (That in itself probably sold me on the word.)

But even if you love the word "frak," you have to admit most of the fictional expletives out there sound pretty silly. (I should note that insults are much easier than expletives. I never find myself flailing around because I need an equivalent to "sh*thead." It's "sh*t" I find myself thinking, "yeah, but even if he's ten, it's what I'd have said when I was ten.")

Now, these characters are not only living hundreds of years in the future, they're also speaking a Spanish-English creole. So another possibility is to swap in a foreign language swear word. But while it's easy to find out how to suggest in Spanish that someone engage in carnal relations with a close relative, it's harder to get a list of the things a Mexican person might say after dropping a heavy object on their foot. Also, Spanish is not exactly an obscure dialect spoken by a tiny handful of tribesmen; if I throw the phrase "chinga tu madre" into my novel, it's highly unlikely to slip past a New York based editorial staff without anyone noticing.

At the moment, these characters don't use any expletives, because I haven't thought of one. They say things like "oh, no!" instead. It's straightforward enough, but I really think there are times in a good adventure story that an "oh, sh*t!" is called for. I'm going to have to keep thinking. In the meantime, if anyone happens to know what the Mexican equivalent is of saying "oh, sugar!" or "oh, fudge!" let me know. Maybe it'll sound less silly if it's in another language.

Saturday Morning Funnies

Here is another blast from my past. I have a whole universe in my head that I've never tried to publish and it involves an alternate Russia in which women have come to rule (given my previous rant, I thought this might be a lighter take on all of this.)

I know that men once governed Russia. It is a secret the women keep from us, but in the basement of my office building I’ve found paper records with orders signed and executed by an organization of men -- military men, men with power. If I asked the supreme commander about this I suspect she would tell me that these records are from the dark ages, the time before the silent curtain, generations before I was bred, when Russia nearly collapsed under its own weight. No doubt she would tell me that what I have found is merely proof positive that men are not fit to rule.


The organization’s acronym was KGB. Clearly from the mission files I’ve read, the KGB was a forerunner to the black ops I now command. I am the first man since the Butcher of Bejing to control such a prestigious operation and, as every one in the inner circle will tell you, I got my job by f***ing supreme commander.

I would love to deny that charge, but I can’t. Men have so few avenues available for advancement that I must admit that I shamelessly pursued the easiest course. But have no pity for me, being the supreme commander’s whore is no hardship. She is everything a man dreams of in a Russian woman: beautiful, strong, intelligent, powerful. She’s a good provider, as my plum assignment so clearly shows. I might even be in love with her some days, though that’s a dangerous game. Better to remember my place. How easily I can be replaced.

I am not, after all, her life companion. That honor goes to a much more respectable man, Nikolai Petronenov. Nikolai is the one she has publicly chosen to raise her child -- a child, I might add, in a moment of bitterness, that I sired. Not that I have any real claim to the boy. Fatherhood is a duty, a linking of genetic material, nothing more. Sure, a sample of my DNA appears on his birth certificate, my lineage is dutifully recorded, but I have no expectation that my involvement will ever become anything more. Not, at least, as long as Nikolai stays in favor.

Ironic, then, isn’t it, that I’m in a position to save his a**?

Women Rule and You're Scared of Us...

I've noticed lately that out on the blogsphere there have been a lot of high octane flair-ups in various and sundry pockets the SF community about... well, women.

First, there was the whole Asimov's kerfluffle about women and SF. Then Fangs, Fur & Fey had a whole dis fest that is currently being echoed in a private list of SF/F writers wherein the whole urban fatansy/romance genre marketing bubble is being bashed -- I suspect in part for being too successful (and being... *gasp* written by and for women.)

I'd join the fray, myself, but I'm afraid I'd say something extremely inflamatory like, "bbbbbbbbpppppppppttttttt, you're just JEALOUS."

A few statistics about romance and romance readers(from RWA):

+ Romance fiction generated $1.37 billion in sales in 2006.
+ Romance fiction outsold every market category in 2006, with the exception of religion/inspirational.
+ 42% of romance readers have a bachelor's degree or higher ...

I can see why this might initally scare science fiction writers, but most romance readers (unlike many SF/F readers) consistantly read outside of their genre. Romantic Times (which has renamed itself BookClub for Women) regularly reviews SF/F... and not just ones with a strong romantic element, either.

In fact, I don't think the AngeLINK books would have done was well as they did without the support of romance readers. My Amazon.com sales ranking jumped significantly lower the day after a positive review came out for Archangel Protocol.

My point, however, is staring to get lost. What I'm saying is that I'm often surprised how people feel free to rag on romance because its perceived as "women's literature." It's like a strong woman just walked in the room and she clearly weilds industry power and everyone feels they have to get their hate on. (She's a b***h, she's a 'ho. She can't have that power because she actually deserves it, it must be because she's trashy.) This seems particularly obvious when people do it to romance since people have been doing it to women for generations.

And why make enemies of one of the largest group of readers in the United States? Shouldn't we as SF/F writers, instead, figure out how we can be supportive and welcoming?

Sheesh.

/RANT

Smart Things

Kelly Swails (X) saying smart things about readers and writing.

Also, my fellow SFNovelist, Tim Pratt has an interview on his brand new book Blood Engines up over at...SFNovelists.

I Finished the Book, Now What Do I Do?

I'm teaching a fantasy novels class and the discussion last week led me to put this together for my students. I thought it might be of some interest here, and I'd love to hear other suggestions.

Revision: What do you change? How? Why? These are big questions and tough to answer.
This is also where you're going to start getting really sick of reading and rereading your novel. I'm going to list a bunch of techniques for identifying problem spots. This isn't a sequence and I'm not going to give them to you in any particular order. These are just methods you can use.

1 Read the book aloud. You want to try to get through this in as small a number of reading sessions as possible . Whenever you hit something that bugs you, highlight it. Don't stop, don't note exactly what it is that bothers you. Just highlight it. If you get a brilliant idea for the story right it down on a separate sheet of paper, but in as brief a note as possible. At the end of the session write down any ideas you've had for changes.

2.Read the book silently and follow the procedure in one.

3. Read the book as you would read a book from the store. As close to straight through as possible without making any notes. When you're done, right down what did and didn't work for you.

4. Build a chart or spreadsheet. Read the book, making notes on the spreadsheet of every scene and chapter. What does the scene do? What should it do? Plot. Character. World. Mood. Theme. Why did you write the scene? What can you do to it to make it serve more than one purpose.

5. Create a duplicate document of your novel. Open it. Read through and smooth out the prose, but don't do any major reworking. When you hit something that needs work, make a note of what and why, but don't actually do any of that.

6. Build a revision plan, or list of things that need changing. You will probably need to use some of the techniques above to create the plan. Make it into a set of bullet points. Think about how each of those changes will echo forward and back through the book in terms of consequences and needed foreshadowing. Add those to the plan. plunge in.

7. Open it up and just change everything you don't like. This one can be dangerous and should be approached with caution.

8. Get another set of eyes, preferably several.* A couple of writers and a reader or two who doesn't write is ideal. Listen to what they have to say about the book. Decide where they're right, where the things they note point out stuff you should have put in that you didn't. Where the suggestions diverge from what you want the book to be.

Revision resources:

Wyrdsmiths Index at http://www.wyrdsmiths.blogspot.com category: Revision and Multiple Drafts. Linked from Writers' Resources on the top right.

Miss Snark Index at http://www.wyrdsmiths.blogspot.com category: Revisions. Linked from Writers' Resources on the top right.

Making Light comment thread at http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/008408.html#008408

David Louis Edelman on line edits:
http://www.deepgenre.com/wordpress/admin/craft/line-editing

Thoughts, comments, suggestions?
____________________________________
*Important note: always remember it's your book and you ultimately are responsible for it. Don't make changes that don't work for you. Be certain it's your sense of the story that's telling you they don't work and not your ego.

"Best Book Ever" Says Mother of Author

I used to have a silly fantasy about getting a cool cover quote from a really famous author that read, "Doesn't suck," Stephen King, author of LATEST NOVEL and "Couldn't get enough of it! By far the best book in the entire world," Rita Hallaway, Mother of Author. But, you know, my sense of humor doesn't sell books....

My question is: do cover quotes?

I will admit that sometimes a good cover quote will help put a book over the top for me. However, I've usually gotten pretty far with a book if I'm reading the cover quotes. I already have in my hand either because the title or the cover intrigued me or the book was shelved under "managers' hard SF picks!" or someone --usually my partner -- handed me the book and said, "Check this out."

I'm also on the look out for what I call "suspect" blurbs. You know the ones that don't really say anything or say things that could be construed as a subtle slam, ala (and this a real quote I found once) "No one writes quite like [blank]." My partner who read the book in question later said she figured what famous author must have meant was "No one writes quite as badly as [blank]." I'm also nervous of any quote that has too many ellipses, ala "This book... number one... fabulous!" Makes you wonder if the original read "This book [is no where near] number one; [it's so bad that I wonder why anyone would call it] fabulous!"

Yet, my editor gets really excited about cover quotes. I met MaryJanice Davidson (author of UNDEAD AND UNWED) at MBA, a booksellers' trade show and introduced myself as a fellow Berkley author with a new vampire book coming out. I asked her if it would be okay for my editor to send her my book for potential blurb. When I told my editor, she was thrilled -- and doubly so when a very positive quote came back. My editor also updated me weekly with the various paranormal romance superstars that agreed to blurb me. Clearly, for her, getting these kinds of quotes was extremely important to the selling of my book.

Personally, I'm a bit unconvinced, if only because people have used *me* to sell books. I read and blurbed a great book called WISH CLUB by Kim Strickland. But, given how new I am to the romance field, who on earth thinks anything I might say about a book would help sell it?

And what about that? Do you ever get turned off a book because you've never read the author who blurbed the book (or find out that the quote comes from a writing spouse)?

Cybermancy Launch-What I Owe the Wyrdsmiths

Today is the day Cybermancy comes out. Over at SFNovelists I'm talking about that and the decision that got me to a place where I have my second book coming out with two more forthcoming--the decision not to quit. And I'm going to borrow the next paragraph from that post. It contains all the review links and that stuff.

I could babble about what Cybermancy is about here, or talk about WebMage, the book it follows, but I won't. I'm going to give you some links to reviews of both books to cover that ground. Since many of the Cybermancy reviews aren't accessible yet, I've posted transcriptions at Wyrdsmiths (my home blog). For WebMage which has been out for a year let me just note: SciFi.Com, Romantic Times, blogcritics.org, and Huntress Reviews (scroll down the page for both Cybermancy and WebMage). I could also talk about the sequels, CodeSpell, slated for June '08, and MythOS, Summer '09.

What I want to talk about instead is the Wyrdsmiths and how much having a writing support structure matters. Because, contrary to the popular myth of the writer crafting a work of genius alone in a tower, I am no lone ranger. The initial idea is generally mine, but almost from the moment of conception on my work is touched and improved by a community. The process begins when I tell Laura about my fantastic, wonderous, amazing, genius idea! (FWAGI) I feel that way with all of them at the start, even the ones that I end up deep sixing because they're just not up to the task of supporting a novel. Laura smiles and nods and makes the occasional suggestion, as do the next twenty people I tell about the idea–when I have the FWAGI, I really really want to share. At some point however, the babbling moves to execution and I actually start writing stuff down.

This is the point where the Wyrdsmiths come in. From the moment they see that first chapter I start getting all sorts of intellectual goodies. That's because the Wyrdsmiths do more than just tell me what's wrong, they also help me brainstorm and make all sorts of valuable suggestions about how make more things turn out right. Collectively the Wyrdsmiths have published more than 20 novels and 100 short stories, and have probably written three times that number. The collective wisdom of the collective is a resource beyond price and I treasure it. That's part of why I put together the Wyrdsmiths Index linked over on the right side of the page there, because it's a treasure I want to share.

Cybermancy would not be what it is or where it is without my fellow Wyrdsmiths. So, Eleanor, Lyda/Tate, Naomi, Harry, Bill, Doug, and Sean–Thank you.

I'll be happy to talk about writing community or even that book thing that comes out today in the comments area below where more thanks will be extended.

P.S. Dreamhaven has set up a page on their website for people who want to order signed or personalized copies of either Cybermancy or WebMage and I will do said signing or personalizing at the reading I'll be doing there October 26th, or possibly earlier if I can get in before that.

Cybermancy Reviews

Romantic Times (Transcribed by Lyda)

4 STARS Cybermancy, Ace (September 25, 2007, ISBN-10: 0441015382, ISBN-13: 978-0441015382

This is the second book in McCullough's series that fuses hacking culture with ancient gods, and it's every bit as charming, clever and readable as its predecessor. His writing style is easy, his character and his worldbuilding unique and engaging. The story will resonate with sympathetic readers.

SUMMARY: Ravirn has quite the challenge: hack into Hades, recover his girlfriend Cerise's webgoblin's soul and get out in one piece. Despite having to make a teensy-weensy promise to Persphone, things seem to go well. And then the mweb -- the magical Internet -- crashes, hard. Ravirn and Cerise are caught up in a mystery that they seem to have caused, and they must put themselves in the capable hands of Eris, Goddess of Discord, to help right both the current mess and an ancient wrong.

--Natalie A. Luhrs

VOYA (Voice of Youth Advocates-Transcribed by me)

McCullough, Kelly. Cybermancy. Ace, 2007. $6.99. 978-0-441-01538-2. 5Q 4P S A/YA

In this sequel to McCullough’s much praised cyberfantasy WebMage, Ravirn, the young hacker-trickster-mage of that novel, now tellingly renamed Raven by his aunts, the Fates of Greek mythology, must brave the underworld and the wrath of the god Hades himself to achieve his objective. Shara, his girlfriend Cerise’s much-loved webgoblin/laptop, who incidentally contains the data Cerise needs to finish her Ph.D. dissertation in computer science at Harvard, has been trapped in the underworld, a pawn, as we gradually discover, in the on-going battle for supremacy between various gods, among them, Eris, Goddess of Discord; Persephone, the brooding, self-involved and unwilling Goddess of the Underworld; and the powerful and mysterious Necessity, whom even the gods themselves fear. Worse still, Raven soon discovers that the entire mweb, the magical internet through which modern-day Olympians conduct their important affairs, is in imminent danger of crashing, and he’s been set up to take the blame. McCullough combines tropes from cyberpunk, contemporary fantasy, and Greek myth with dazzling proficiency and great good humor, combining scenes that evoke a legitimate sense of wonder with witty repartee and just a touch of sexiness in a manner that recalls both Roger Zelazny’s Amber series and the earlier mythological romps of Thorne Smith. Although not for the prudish, this is a genuinely lovely book.—Michael Levy

Epinions.com

Alternative Worlds

Huntress Reviews– it's down the page a bit

Wyrdsmiths Index

Through September 1st 2007

Action
Character
Dialogue
Plot, Structure, and Outlines
Voice
World

Back Up Your work!
Genre
Hated Writing Cliches
Hooks and Openings
Idea Generation
Links to People Saying Smart Things About Writing
Making Time For Writing
Misc
Novels Vs. Short Stories
Passion and Persistence–You've Got To Have Both
Recharging the Batteries
Rejection
Revision and Multiple Drafts
Self Promotion–The Eternal Argument
Submissions and Synopses
The Words
Working Through The Sticky Places
Wrestling With The Internal Editor
Writers Groups
Writer's Resources
Writer/Reader Interface
Writing Environment
Writing Humor
Wyrdsmiths' Credentials


Action

Kelly on writing combat, parts 1, 2, and 3.

Character

Tate on where characters come from.

Kelly on hiring characters.

Kelly on writing character when you're not a character writer.

Tate on creating believable characters.

Dialogue

Lyda on dialogue.

Plot, Structure, and Outlines

Eleanor on definitions of plot.

Sean on Elizabeth Bear and secrets and reveals. With exciting linkback action.

Kelly on taking a novel from conception to completion an outlined model: Parts 1, 2, and 3.

Kelly on ways to think about plot: Parts 1, 2, and 3.

Sean on the value of outlining.

Kelly on Outlines: 1, and 2. Plus Lyda interjects a defense of not outlining and I agree that if outlines don't work for you, don't use them.

Tate on outlines noting that she has to use them for book proposals.

Voice

Kelly on voice.

Tate on voice and character.

Kelly on voice and character.

Tate on picking the right telling details.

Tate on the value of the fadeout ending.

World

Kelly on world building and the willing suspension of disbelief.



Back Up Your Work!

Kelly on the practical aspects of backup.

Genre

Sean on establishing the fantastic.

Tate on putting the science in your science fiction.

Naomi on switching genres.

Hated Writing Cliches

Kelly on write what you know.

Eleanor on show-don't tell.

Hooks and Openings

Tate starts a thread on first lines: Tate, Kelly,
Naomi 1 and 2.

Tate on the building and setting of opening hooks.

Eleanor on how to open a story.

Idea Generation

Eleanor on where story ideas come from.

Kelly on dream and story and how the two feed each other.

Sean on mishearing and story generation.

Naomi story as patchwork quilt.

Lyda goes to the idea vault, or wishes she could.

Kelly on building story ideas.

Tate on where to find ideas.

Tate on inspiration, finding it and making it.

Links to People Saying Smart Things About Writing

Kelly links to a great series of publishing diaries at Daily Kos

Kelly links to Making Light linking to novels in progress. Lots of great stuff for revision here.

Tate Links to the devil's publishing dictionary.

Kelly Links to Teresa Nielsen Hayden's response to the devil's publishing dictionary.

Kelly Links to Making Light on slush and the slushpile.

Kelly Links to Making Light for some fabulous discussion of pitches and pitching and why the beginning writer might not need to worry about it so much.

Lyda Links to Jay Lake talking about writers group dynamics.

Making Time For Writing

Eleanor on finding the time for writing

Naomi on the same topic.

Doug on time and place.

Misc

Kelly on the difference between real and believable.

Tate on reality and fiction.

Kelly says, in the business of writing money always flows to the writer–Yog's law.

Kelly on pen names.

Kelly on how and when to break the rules of your world.

Tate on dealing with vampires and sex and other difficult details.

Tate on writing with a message agenda.

Tate on whether it matters if the writer feels the scene as the hope the reader will.

Doug on feeling the scene, or not.

Kelly on the speed of publishing...glacial.

Novels Vs. Short Stories

Kelly on novels vs. short stories and career building.

Passion and Persistence–You've Got To Have Both

Kelly on how you get there.

Lyda on how passion informs writing.

Kelly on practice and craft.

Naomi on "ganas" which is not just another word for passion.

Sean on practice and passion.

Kelly says–write the next story.

Kelly on never giving up.

Elenor on the value of persistance.

Lyda says write what you love. Absolutely.

Doug on writing what you're passionate about.

Kelly on some of the deep reasons why he writes and reads.

Kelly on Deciding Not to Quit.

Kelly on loving the actual work.

Lyda on writing because you love the story.

Recharging the Batteries

Tate on taking breaks. It's okay.

Lyda on taking the weekend off.

Kelly on travel as a way to recharge.

Rejection

Lyda on being in the strange position of having to reject someone else's work.

Kelly on being proud of your rejections.

Kelly on rejects and rejectomancy.

Eleanor on rejections.

Revision and Multiple Drafts

Kelly on the many drafts of a novel.

Doug on the ugly draft.

Kelly on cutting the fat away.

Kelly on knowing when NOT to offer suggestions on someone else's work.

Doug on the revision process, an excellent model.

Eleanor on how she writes and revises.

Tate on signals from Fred, or how to listen when your book is telling you things.

Tate on Everything must serve the plot.

Kelly on owning your work and making the tough decisions on what to keep and what to throw and on how much weight to give the opinions of your critique readers.

Tate on why you can't be too nice to your characters.

Self Promotion–The Eternal Argument

Kelly on the inherent problems of self-promotion.

Tate's rebuttal to same. Or; Kelly left out some important details.

Kelly on things that may be worthwhile in the area of self-promotion as they are low cost and low effort.

Eleanor on self-promotion. When Eleanor speaks we all listen.

Naomi on self-promotion.

Tate and Kelly play tag on things you can do to promote your work: the relatively cheap and
more of that plus the moderately spendy and the bigger bucks. And, another couple for the cheap column.

Kelly on some of the math of a writing career and that it suggests a certain inefficacy on the part of self-promotion.

Kelly on how to write a press release.

Submissions and Synopses

Kelly on never deciding the editor won't like it.

Kelly says send it out.

Kelly on Pitching and Synopses parts 1, 2, and 3.

Kelly on what a synopsis should do.

The Words

Kelly on the right word.

Sean on ack/argh words.

Kelly on learning to trust your taste in words.

Lyda on the taste of words and story.

Tate on the naming of characters.

Kelly on the naming of characters.

Naomi on the naming of characters.

Working Through The Sticky Places

Kelly on plot walks and other methods for breaking the log jam.

Wrestling With The Internal Editor

Doug on wrestling with the internal editor.

Tate on writing stoppers.

Tate on the infernal internal editor.

Writers Groups

Tate on the Wyrdsmiths and the utility of writers groups.

Kelly on the Wyrdsmiths and on rules for writers groups. Or; how to build your own.

Kelly on the many things a group can do for a writer besides the basic critique. This riffs off a post by Jay Lake and links back to it.

Tate on writers groups and getting her start.

Writer's Resources

Kelly on Twin Cities writer's resources.

Kelly on books on writing.

Writer/Reader Interface

Eleanor on what writers owe readers.

Kelly on what does the writer owe the reader and the implicit contract between writer and reader.

Writing Environment

Sean on writing to music.

Kelly on where to write.

Kelly on the means of production.

Doug on writing rituals.

Writing Humor

Sean on the difficulty of writing humor.

Eleanor on how to write humor.

Kelly on how to learn to write funny.

Tate on the writing of humor.

Wyrdsmiths' Credentials

The Wyrdsmiths Bibliography

Making Production

As an experiment, I started a YA fantasy novel last week, to see if I could write 300 words a day. I managed 700-800 words in two days with no effort. If I could do this five days a week, like a real job, I would have 100,000 words by the end of a year. This is double the length of a YA. I'd have plenty of time for revising, since I'd be done with the first draft halfway through the year.

However, I don't like what I have written. Even in a few pages, the story took off in a bad direction. I have a dark side, which I try to keep under control, except in the hwarhath stories, where my Nordic grimness seems to fit. The Goxhat stories, all two of them so far, are also pretty Nordic and Old Norse. Anyway, the story seemed heading in a dark direction, and it wasn't the right place to begin the story. I started with the heroine being discovered abandoned as a newborn. The story needs to begin 10 or 12 years later.

What I have now is a wisp of an idea: a poor, street-smart girl, who doesn't know who her parents are. She was found abandoned as a newborn. Since she is black in a country where almost everyone is brown, she knows her parents were foreigners, but that's all she knows.

There is a noble, rather naive, brown boy, who is running away from an arranged marriage.

And there is a traveling wizard, an aging woman. Maybe I should make her white. That would be different.

That's all I have. I guess the novel would be about race, class and magic.

Saturday Morning Funnies

It's that time, true believers, when I embarass myself by finding some bit of my unpublished past and post it here for your mocking, er, enjoyment. Today's installment comes from my college years and represents a series of storties about some characters that I've had in my mind for decades. I don't know if other writers have this problem, but some of the "people" closest to my heart are the ones I find the most difficult to write about. Because they're the subject of long, drawn-out day-dreams, any plot I artifically devise for them tends not to be enough to make them work (at least not nearly as well as they do in my head.)

The hands that held the pistol shook, but the aim was steady. The barrel waivered only slightly, and was never off course by more than an inch above her heart. She couldn't help but be impressed. He was clearly stoned out of his mind. One of his eyes was squeezed shut in an almost comical parody of a sharp-shooter. The other that watched her over the sights was blood shot and blurry. Yet he managed to keep his aim. Aubrene smiled to herself. This boy had promise.

"Hand over your money all ready!" He slurred impatiently.

Aubrene snapped open the handbag perched primly in her lap. The subway car rattled around a corner. Pretending to rumage through her things, she watched his feet. This would be the true test. He rode the rail easily, shifting his center of balance to accomodate the undulating floor. Whatever his jones was, he knew how to compensate for it.

Finding her wallet, she offered it to him. She was careful to hold her other hand casually over the opening of the purse. In his current state he didn't seem terribly observant, but it wouldn't do her any good to have him notice the dull gleam of the semi-automatic she had hidden there.

"Right," He snarled snatching it from her. He jammed the wallet into a pillow case he was using to collect the valuables from other passangers. She wondered what he'd make of her National Security Agency ID when he came across it later. Of course, the ID had expired, but it was the real McCoy. In a way, she hated to lose the card. Aubrene always liked that photo of herself. It was one of the few she owned.

There wasn't much else in the wallet of value. A few credit cards, but they were all fake. If he was stupid enough to try to use them, the NSA would nab him instantly. Aubrene's gaze swept over his lithe form. Leather jacket and dirty jeans clung to a thin, but muscular body. His hair was a deep black and Asian straight, but he was white, though possibly not generic American.

As he smoothly collected loot from the other passangers, Aubrene's eyes followed his every move. Graceful and cat-like, he had an economy of motion that seemed better suited to a dancer than a thug. Armed robbery was a very high-risk, heavy-muscle job, yet, robbing a train took some brains. The whole gig was sucide, unless he had a plan for escape at the next stop. Transit cops covered every section of the well traveled routes. She wondered what he would do.

"No," the theif said to a woman wrapped in a fur, "I want the earrings."

"Please, this watch is worth much more." She offered the gaudy thing to him.

He took it. Looking at it critically, he handed it back. "No, thank you," he said politely. "The earrings are a very interesting cut of saphires, madam. I much prefer them to this imitation."

The woman seemed geniunely stunned. "Imitation? I paid a thousand credits for this. It's meant to be an original."

"You, madam, were robbed." He said earnestly.

Money

My brother was talking about me to a neighbor. He said, "My sister is a respected science fiction writer and sells everything she sends out."

"How much does she get for a story?" the neighbor asked.

"About a thousand dollars," my brother said.

"Then she should write 50 stories a year and sell them," the neighbor said.

I usually get around $700 for a story, and the story is a novelette, about 17,500 words long. (This means I am getting 4 cents a word, which is kind of scary.) So, if I wrote and sold 50 stories a year, I would make $35,000; and I would be writing 875,000 words a year, which is the equivalent of 7 novels. I would also have a story in every single issue of Analog, Asimov's, F&SF and one or two other prozines. Interzone? Realms of Fantasy?

Back in the 1970s, Norman Spinrad said no writer should accept less than $10,000 as the advance for a first novel. That was enough to live on for a year then. I know, because I did it. To live equally well now, you would need around $40,000. The last time I heard a figure, first novels got around $5,000. I don't know what the advances for a reasonably successful midlist author are. Maybe Kelly and Tate could tell us.

I need $30,000 a year gross. I could reduce that figure by not buying coffee out and not taking vacations or buying clothes or cute little thingies such as jewelry or pens. But I am no longer willing to suffer for art, if I ever was. And I need more than $30,000, if I am going to save for retirement, which is getting pretty close.

For me to be a full time writer, I would need to write a book a year and make $30,000 off it -- and do this consistently, year after year. The fastest I ever wrote a novel was 18 months. In order to make a living at this rate of writing, I'd have to get $45,000 per novel.

I was first published in 1973. Since then, I have published 5 novels and more than 30 works of short fiction. Off the top of my head, I would say I have made $60,000 total. I am not adjusting this figure for inflation. $150 for a short story in 1973 would be about $660 now. (The stories I was selling in the 1970s were very short. I was getting 17 cents a word in 2007 dollars, which means my rate per word has declined 76% over the past 30 years.)

Leaving aside inflation, I have averaged $2,000 a year income from writing. Granted, I am a slow writer. I have averaged 27,500 published words a year, which means my average pay rate has been 7 cents a word. At that rate, I could make $7,000 or $8,000 a year, if I consistently wrote and sold 100,000 words a year.

The most I ever got for a novel was $8,500 for Ring of Swords, which was my fifth published novel. I sold it 15 years ago. $8,500 then would be $17,000 in current dollars. If I could write and sell two books a year at that rate, I could live on writing. That's about 250,000 words a year or 2-3 pages a day, which would be doable. I think, at this point in my life, I know enough about writing so I could produce at that level, though it would be a lot easier if I didn't have to work close to full time. But do I have that much to say?

Writers' Resources

Take a quick moment to orient yourself to a bit of a change in the sidebar. We've just added a new section entitled "Writers' Resources," which is intended to provide other writers that visit us (as well as ourselves!) access to the collection of tools and information indexes that we are developing. Kelly has started us off nicely with his "Gargantuan Miss Snark Index," which you'll see linked atop the sidebar, and I know he has a few more tools up his sleeve. As things get added, we'll get them put into that section, and folks can link to this main page to access them any time.

You Say Sci-Fi, I Say SF: Let's Call the Whole Thing Off...

Last night I taught the introduction class of my science fiction writing class at the Loft. We had our usual discussion of the definitions of SF and F, and I alluded to the fact that the term "sci-fi" is considered derogatory by some science fiction fans and writers. At the time, of course, I couldn't put my finger on the source of the issue. So this morning, I found a bit of a wikipedia article about the kerfuffle:

Forrest J. Ackerman publicly used the term "sci-fi" at UCLA in 1954, though Robert A. Heinlein had used it in private correspondence six years earlier. As science fiction entered popular culture, writers and fans active in the field came to associate the term with low-budget, low-tech "B-movies" and with low-quality pulp science fiction. By the 1970s, critics within the field such as Terry Carr and Damon Knight were using "sci-fi" to distinguish hack-work from serious science fiction, and around 1978, Susan Wood and others introduced the pronunciation "skiffy." Peter Nicholls writes that "SF" (or "sf") is "the preferred abbreviation within the community of sf writers and readers." David Langford's monthly fanzine Ansible includes a regular section "As Others See Us" which offers numerous examples of "sci-fi" being used in a pejorative seen by people outside the genre.

I grew up in an era (70s/80s) where using the term "sci-fi" was still considered gauche in the circle of "serious" writers and fans. I think, however, as I said in class, this is changing. This may be because of an influx of younger, media-savvy fans/readers. As this snippet from Scifipedia suggests...

"Over the years, Sci Fi's meaning in popular culture has changed to refer almost exclusively to movies and TV with science fiction genre-related themes. Among some in fandom, the term is often used in a derogatory and dismissive way. Some purposely mispronounce the term as "skiffy" and use it to refer to poor quality science fiction and fantasy. Many committed Science Fiction readers refuse to use the term at all, preferring the more generic initialism, "SF."

...the term has been co opted by the media, and thus has fallen into much more regular use. In my opinion, the use of "sci-fi" no longer stigmatizes the user as a "mundane" (non-initiate into science fiction fandom/prodom).

What do you think? Which term do you prefer or do you not have a preference? Is it a matter of po-tato, poh-tato to you?

Yarr!

It's International Talk Like A Pirate Day!*

*or blog like a pirate as the case may be

Free Fiction

Karl Schroeder

Just released his first novel for Tor, Ventus, as a
Creative-Commons ebook. It's available for download here.

Time Management

I want to thank Eric Buchanan for his comment on my last post. His advice on time management sounds really good, also his advice on exercise.

When I wrote the post, I was flying west to attend a memorial gathering for a cousin, who died quite suddenly in March of cancer which was diagnosed three or four weeks before she died. Until then, she seemed healthy, though -- looking back -- there may have been tiny, misunderstood warning signs.

In any case, a friend of my cousin played several songs at the gathering. One was Paul Simon's "Feeling Groovy," which is staying with me. "Slow down, you move too fast; you've got to make the morning last..."

I think for me one element in managing time better is to slow down and do things more mindfully, rather than alternating between procrastinating and hurrying. Do what I really want to do seriously and in a timely fashion, like right now, and don't do the rest. It's a combination of the Zen admonition -- "cut wood and draw water" -- and the Prairie Home Companion admonition -- "do what needs to be done."

I think my role here at the blog is to talk about writing from the point of view of an older writer and from the point of view of someone who has never made a living at writing. Over the years, I have gained a modest reputation and almost no money. Has it been worth it?

I would feel a lot of worse about my life, if I hadn't written.

So I am going to talk about writing as a life style, rather than a professional career, and as part of my entire life.

Why does one write? archie the cockroach said "expression is the need of my soul," and that is a pretty good answer.

I write to understand life and to make something that is interesting and valuable and uniquely mine. I have always hated the line, "everyone is replaceable." When I die, I want there to be a Eleanor shaped hole in the universe, a void that no one else can fill, except maybe a thoughtful lizard-like green matriarch on a planet in a far distant star system, who will pick up a stylus and begin to compose stories about verb tenses or the names of numbers...

Cybermancy

My Novel, Cybermancy (Amazon ) (Dreamhaven) will be out one week from today on September 25th. Of course, I hope that all of you who haven't preordered will run right out and buy a copy or six. I also hope that those of you who are interested might come to one of my signings or the reading I'll be having at Dreamhaven in Minneapolis. For those who can't make it, Dreamhaven has set up a page on their website for people who want to order signed or personalized copies of either Cybermancy or WebMage and I will do said signing or personalizing at the event.

I will be at:

? Northtown Waldenbooks–Blaine, MN, October 6th in the afternoon-this one isn't a for sure yet hence the fuzzy time (with Lyda/Tate)

Mall of America (somewhere)–Bloomington MN, October 6th 5:30 (with about a gazillion other writers)

Dreamhaven–Minneapolis MN, October 26th 6:30, (plus a reading, maybe from CodeSpell)

Here are a couple of the early reviews of Cybermancy for those who are interested in seeing what other folks have said about the book:

Lyda's transcription of Romantic Times
Huntress Reviews– it's down the page a bit
Epinions.com
Alternative Worlds

And for those who haven't yet picked up a copy of WebMage (Amazon) (Dreamhaven), Here are some of its reviews:

SciFi.com
Huntress Reviews–about halfway down the page
blogcritics.org

Here endeth the shameless self-promotion

Thinking Days

One of the hardest things for me as a writer was learning to accept thinking days. I was raised in North Dakota and Minnesota both of which have a strong ethic of "never complain" and "if it's fun it's not work" and "if you're not accomplishing something at this very moment" you're lazy. Garrison Keilor's takes on the subject are deadly funny if you were raised as I was.

A writer has a lot of jobs that look and feel like work, and a couple that don't. The writing itself is easy to see as work. If I'm writing I'm working. Likewise sending stuff out to my agent or publishers, dealing with same either via phone or email, revising, editing, reading galleys, etc. There is obvious work happening in all of those situations. Research is a little bit less clear. If I'm looking up a detail of Greek mythology that's relevant to the story right now, that's certainly work. If I'm reading mythology looking for stuff for the next book, that's still pretty obvious, but it's treading dangerously close to fun. Reading widely because that's how I find new ideas-can I really call that work? I can and I do, but my inner Minnesotan does more than a little hmphing at the idea. Self-promotion? Ooh, that's a hard one, mostly because I don't actually believe that most of it works (see not accomplishing things above). However, since it's an expected part of the industry, I can squeak some out without guilt.

All of that is nothing, nothing at all compared to thinking days. Tuesday was a thinking day. I did a lot of stuff around the house. I wandered around the internet and wrote on blogs. Every twenty minutes or so I'd stop back at my working plot document and put another bullet point into the "stuff what has to happen" section. I got maybe 300 words down. If this was a writing day a 300 word count would be a catastrophe. I can do 300 words standing on my head in a bucket. A normal day when I'm fully into a project is 2,000+ and I've gone as high as 4,400. However 300 is pretty good for a thinking day. Sometimes no words actually make it into a document on thinking days.

I just wander around and think and don't actually write at all. And despite the very grim look my inner Minnesotan is giving me about this, it's still working. In fact, it's critical. The reason I had thinking day Tuesday is that I haven't done a scene-by-scene outline for this book yet–in part because there are several significant decisions that need to be made and I'm still not sure which way I'll go on them. Making the wrong decision and writing it into the book can be quite costly to fix (in terms of time). A day spent thinking about story and structure now can save me ten later on. It's still frustrating.

How about you? Are thinking days something you feel guilty about? Delight in? Other?

F&SF Loses Another of its Giants

Via Making Light: Robert Jordan (James Oliver Rigney) 1948-2007. I will leave the memorializing for those who knew him and his work better and merely say that he and his work meant a lot to a lot of people in our community and I know that he will be deeply missed both as a writer and perhaps even more as a person. I don't know anyone who ever met him who didn't speak very highly of him. Though I knew him not at all I am saddened by his fall.

Because it wanted out:

A mighty writer was the man
Read the thousands in his van

Though I knew him not at all
I am saddened by his fall

Finding tears when ere I blink
So I cannot help but think

With tales unfinished, words unwritten
Reader's hopes by death smitten

How much worse fans and friends will feel
At this sad turning of time's wheel

Ave Atque Vale.

The Truly Garagantuan Miss Snark Index Post

UPDATE: We've posted a new section on our main page, at the top of the sidebar, entitled "Writers' Resources." It's going to be a collection of useful links to tools and indexes of information that will hopefully be helpful for you. You can link to it at http://wyrdsmiths.blogspot.com/.

Miss Snark has retired from blogging and this is a sad thing for writers. Since I discovered her late in her blogging cycle I decided to go back and read through her archives and pick out the posts I thought were truly outstanding. Here is the result of that selection process organized by category. Links from Miss Snark to other sites will be within the appropriate category at the end.

The categories are:
Advice (General)
Agent Information, Where to Find
Agents and Publishers: Bad Signs and Scams
Agents: What to Ask/Know Before You Sign
Being a Good Client/Client Agent Relationships
Best Foot Forward
Conferences and Talking to Agents
Contracts Agency and Publisher
Credits/Short Stories/Contests/Etc.
Crapometer
Dealing With the Clueless/PODs and Vanity Presses
Dumb Things, Don't Do These
Finish the Book
Firing Your Agent: Why and How
Follow the directions
Misc
Movie Stuff
Non-Fiction
Novels: Definitions etc.
Partials and Fulls
Publishing Economics
Queries
Rejection
Resubmission
Revisions
Rights Questions
Royalties and Getting Paid
Submission, General
Synopses
Waiting for Agent Responses
What an Agent Does
Writing the Book

Special attention should be paid to both the Advice and Dumb Things sections, knowing the stuff in there will save you a world of grief.

Advice (General)

A previous partial index of the snarkives.

Fabulous advice for the question of "when to give up." Never!

a definitions post on publishing basics, stuff like that. Always worth having available.

This bit of Miss Snark's advice showed up in several posts and is a damn good one to remember: "Every single time you hear something about publishing keep in mind who is telling you and what their agenda is. If you paid money to hear them, even more so. If they want you to buy more services from them, remember, they aren't providing services out of altruism, they're making money off your ignorance." This is a good sample of why it's being worth my while to read through her old posts.

Be nice to bookstore clerks and managers, they are your friends. I'd add librarians to that as well, and pretty much anybody else you meet. First off, it's simply good policy and it'll make your life easier and happier in general. Second, word of mouth sells books, and you're much more likely to get good word of mouth if you're pleasant, polite, and not overtly egotistical. If you're a writer, you're a public figure, at least on a limited level.

When not to whine about your reviews–anytime they get your name and the name of the book right. Everything else is gravy. So, don't be a nitwit.

Editorial and agency assisstants have an enormous amount of control over your fate. Being nice to them isn't just polite, it's also business smart.

When an agent talks about having a full list, it means they probably have...a full list. Here's why you don't necessarily want to get a super agent whose already running at capacity.

What to do when you go to the bookstore and discover that someone's already written your book. Hint, the answer isn't throw it away and start over.

Miss Snark takes up Neal Gaiman's call for literary wills. Do you know what would happen to your writing if you died suddenly? Do you care? You should.

Does the person who tells you subject-x will never sell have any real expertise in the area? If they're not an agent or editor chances are good they don't know as much as they think they do.

Yes, you do have to have a website if you're publishing.

Agent Information, Where to Find

This link is to one her comments sections with many suggestions on where to look for agent information.

Agent referral services--Miss Snark doesn't think much of them (and neither do I.) This is a good post on why.

Agents and Publishers: Bad Signs and Scams

Agents charging expenses, what is and is not acceptable and when. For the record my agent covers expenses out of his own pocket.

Bonus content, a link from Miss Snark to an article on how to avoid scam agencies in your search (written be the excellent Victoria Strauss).

Don't work with fee-charging agents. Just don't. Nota bene, fee charging means reading fees, up-front costs, etc, and not the agent's percent or reasonable office fees taken out AFTER the checks from the publisher start coming in, though in the later case a negotiated cap on total copying fees and the like is not a bad idea. My agent charges no fees but his percentage.

Is the agency you're looking at a scammer? How many books they sell a year matters. Miss Snark dissects an agency come on and points out red flags.

More on not working with fee charging agents. If you're already convinced that it's a bad idea you can skip these two posts, but it's a point that should be made strongly and with some frequency. One, and two.

Reputable agencies who charge copying fees and the like also have expense caps. If you run into an agent who doesn't cap them, or tries to collect them pre-sales, run for the hills. Nota bene, my agent does not charge anything but his 15%.

So you made a mistake and got taken in by a scam publisher. It happens and it won't ruin your chances later. In fact you don't even need to mention it to most people under most circumstances.

Agents: What to Ask/Know Before You Sign

A tiny bit off topic, but...questions you should ask before you submit to a publisher, particularly a small specialty press.

Pluses and minuses of an individual agent (as opposed to one who's part of a larger agency). Or, what happens if your agent spontaneously combusts. I hadn't thought about this as much as I should have. It's probably not a bad idea to have a contingency plan in case your agent is suddenly removed from play somehow.

Why you should care if your agent is an LLC or a sole proprietor. Short answer, if your agent dies and had money of yours in a sole proprietor account it will be much more difficult for you to retrieve.

Researching Agents. Who do they represent? Ask. Really. If they won't tell you, worry.

What you should say when you get the call, or more correctly, a good snapshot of the process that leads to said call.

Being a Good Client/Client Agent Relationships

And what to do once you've found your agent is talked about here.

Here's a post on what an agent would like to see in her authors and what they should expect of her. It's more complex than that, but that's the gist. Definitely worth a read.

Advice for when your agent is advocating for what you could write instead of what you do write.

What to do when one agent makes an offer of representation while you still have partials or fulls in with other agents.

Your job is to write. Your agent's job is to sell what you write. Getting the two confused is counterproductive. One thing she failed to mention in this post is the exception of knowing an editor and having them ask for your stuff--she's covered it elsewhere, but it should be mentioned in this context.

What happens if your agent dies? You should probably know the answer to this in advance.

In the category of things to tell your agent, surgery around the time of a book release ranks right up there. So do things like going out of the country for several months at such a time.

Your brand new agent and your backlist. This is how Miss Snark deals with them. Other agents will have different takes. Mine is perfectly fine with shopping multiple books of mine to various editors at the same time.

Don't think of your agent as your bff. Even if you and your agent are genuinely friends, it's very specialized kind of friendship, one that doesn't involve wedding invites, the exchange of gifts, or daily phone calls.

Best Foot Forward

Miss Snark on why a carefully proofread manuscript matters...a lot.

Miss Snark's top ten. Here she's listing the things that make her happy in a client. This is an excellent list focussed on professionalism and demeanor, and these are kind of traits that will endear you any publishing professional you work with and that are well worth cultivating.

When an agent calls you to talk before agreeing to represent you. What is she looking for? Short answer, be polite, be professional, be easy to work with.

Ten things that turn Miss Snark off when she calls you to offer representation.

Conferences and Talking to Agents

What to do at a pitch--hint it's not about pitching.

Talking to agents at conferences: things to say and not say. More agents and conferences.

Contracts Agency and Publisher

Bad agency contracts. As a side note, my agent and I work on a verbal agreement and handshake basis.

A contract is not the same thing as a good contract, or scammers can create paperwork too.

Do not sign anything you don't understand. No, really don't do this. This is always good advice. If you want to make a career in writing, learn about the business. Learn about copyright. Understand what you're selling, because it's not the story, it's the rights.

Joint accounting is a bad deal for the author.

Audit clauses, the whys and wherefores.

Make sure you understand any contract you sign. Also, be prepared to walk away from a deal if the contract is bad enough and you can't get it changed.

Agency contracts. Read them. Understand them. Don't sign them before you've done this. Can you get it changed? Maybe, the chances are not great, though I did get a clause inserted into the contract with my old agent.

Crapometer

Miss Snark's crapometers are a great resource for the writer trying to get a feel for hooks and queries. In each she comments on a huge pile of submitted material from her readers. They are too big to index individually so I'm going to link to the sections of her archives where they reside. First Pages. Synopses one and two. Queries.

Credits/Short Stories/Contests/Etc.

On the utility of selling portions of a novel to magazines.

A really smart way to sort short story markets for who to send to first. My rule is to start with the top paying market and work my way down, with provisos. First, I weight markets that have good turnaround times. Second, I weight markets that are looking for the kind of story I've written for whatever reason; I've sold to them before, they've put out a call for left-handed werewolf carpenter stories, (if you're newbie) they hold slots open for new writers. Third, I weight markets by prestige. Snark's post talks about a great way to look at prestige.

On why an agent may not find your MFA to be a credit worth mentioning in the query. With further notes from an article Miss Snark linked. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't possess an MFA myself, but I spend a great deal of time with academics (I'm married to one) and I think graduate school has a lot to be said for it on its own merits, though perhaps not in writing. It's certainly been my impression from my own discussions with editors, writers, and agents that Miss Snark is expressing the opinion of an awful lot of publishing professionals here, and the case made in the article is one that should be read by anyone interested in writing great books.

On whether or not to include possibly unsavory but professional credits in your cover/query letters. The answer is it depends, but probably yes.

On mentioning those seventeen novels you've got tucked under the bed. Don't.

Should your academic credentials go in your query letter--probably not.

From an agent's point of view, the value of a magazine sale isn't in the size of the check, or even in getting a check. It's in the credential that says a reputable editor thinks your stuff is worth printing-emphasis on reputable. The magazine has to have a seriously respected name if it doesn't pay pro rates.

What to do about embarrassing earlier publications when you're looking for an agent or publisher.

Dealing With the Clueless/PODs and Vanity Presses

That moment when you realize that the person you're talking to has no clue that there's a difference between reputable publishers and subsidy presses. Been there, done that, chewed the knuckles and then explained things.

Some notes on the differences mentioned above in terms of writer as salesperson for self-published product vs. respected artist. Miss Snark does not think much of the product model, and neither do I.

Because it's fun, how to deal with family who want to know about the cousin who's "published" (vanity press) and why you're not doing as well.

Dumb Things, Don't Do These

Never lie in your cover letters or queries. It's dumb, and counterproductive. Miss Snark's take, and the Making Light post to which she links. The Making Light thread is funny, but everything you really need to know is in Teresa's initial post at the front of the thread.

Don't do this. The value of "this" here is sending sample pages to a published author cold. This is good advice. I do read unpublished authors and offer advice, but only very occasionally and only where I have a previous relationship with the author.

Appalled. Really appalled. Queries by idiots. Not something you need to read, but funny, and it'll remind you that the competition for book slots is considerably smaller than the list of everyone who thinks they're competition.

More from the what not to do files, or how to really annoy an agent with the phone.

Trying to force a request for pages by not giving the agent open ended questions is a dumb idea.

Don't be difficult to work with. Really. It's not a good idea because it often means people will stop working with you.

Pre-blurbing. A bad idea that should be stepped on vigorously.

Don't say nasty thing about your publisher in public. It's a dumb idea and this post gives a good rundown of why. Follow up on dissing your publisher.

Don't shoot yourself in the the foot by responding to rejections in an impolite way. Don't do this. Ever.

Never two-time an agent who's working with you. This is a great way to end up with no agent and a bad rep.

Bad advice from the pros. Contract lawyers are much more expensive than agents.

Never cold call an agent or an editor. It's a really bad idea.

Why you shouldn't vent about rejections online. It's a bad-bad-bad idea since agents and editors are also online.

If you believe you know more about how your books should be pitched than your agent does, you probably shouldn't have an agent. You are also probably wrong.

"Creative" queries. Really really bad idea.

Finish the Book

Why agents hate queries for unfinished novels.

Selling on proposal. It happens of course, but only if you've got a proven track record in the book biz.

Never try to sell an agent on an unfinished novel. It wastes both of your times and isn't going to win you any points.

Firing Your Agent: Why and How

In the bad agent issues category, she linked to an excellent post on how to fire your agent.

More on firing your agent.

Bad agent = worse then no agent. Lazy agents who don't bother to give good advice edition.

If you want to look for a new agent, you have to fire your old agent first

What happens to manuscripts out with editors when you fire your agent mid-submission?

Follow the Directions

When submitting to editors and agents, follow the directions.

Another entertaining round of follow the directions when subbing to an agent, along with some suggestions for what not to put in a query.

Misc

Miss Snark thanks you for writing.

Agents outside of New York, which she feels are perfectly fine. So do I--my agent is not in New York.

On putting together and pitching anthologies.

The agent's drink of choice--pure silliness.

Miss Snark growls at the Sunday Times for stupid investigative journalism tricks. The gist is that they did a report by sending a couple of chapters from previously published and award winning works off to some editors who all rejected it. Miss Snark notes that they sent directly to editors, unsolicited, that there's no mention of cover letters, that the work was almost certainly dated, that there was no effort to target appropriate editors, and that the appropriate editors would have probably recognized something familiar about it and bounced it for that very reason. It's kind of a fun read.

Book Expo America--Don't go to pitch. Bad idea. If you really want to go, go to learn.

Small presses and how to see if one might be right for you.

Why some deals get posted at Publisher's Marketplace and some don't.

What to say when your writing buddy sends you something to read and it turns out that while they may be to your taste, their work is not. This one is funny, and for anyone who reads stuff in draft a familiar story.

Networking with the pros, or how win friends and influence people. I have mixed feelings about this. Her advice is basically sound, but I'm uncomfortable with the idea of networking for networking's sake. Making friends who can help your career is great since they probably share a lot of your interests, but doing it only because they can help your career smacks of using people and that's not okay.

The differences between homage, tribute, and plaigerism. It's really not that hard.

Anyone writing genre fiction has gotten some variation of "when are you going to write a real book?" Here are some lovely answers to that question.

Anyone who writes has also run into the cousin/uncle/friend-of-a-friend who wants to get you to do some editing for them. Here's one way to say no.

Getting a U.S. based agent when you live beyond the borders is hard, which frankly, sucks. Here's Miss Snark on why she's reluctant to deal with writers who live beyond the edges of the USA.

When is copying not a problem? When it's learning and it doesn't get submitted.

Movie Stuff

Movie rights, let your agent worry about them until somebody offers. Pretend they don't exist and work on the next book. Obsessing over them leads to madness.

What do to do about that boilerplate contract grab for film rights.

Notes on screenplay stuff. High among them, don't get anywhere near Hollywood without an agent. It a shark tank. I agree.

Non-Fiction

Writing nonfiction and how it's sold–the non-fiction proposal.

Yes, you do have to write a proposal for your non-fiction book even if it's finished. That's just how it is in the world of non-fiction.

Novels: Definitions etc.

The too long and too short of it for novel length. My own take on this is that her too long note is spot on but that her too short leaves out another category exception, YA which can be as short as 40k.

A bit more on synopses and a note on excessive novel length.

What do they mean when they say they want new and fresh and how unique is too unique?

Smart thing to do when trying to figure out word count for a given genre. Go to the bookstore. I'd add one additional note to her criteria, make sure you've got first books by new authors.

Partials and Fulls

When an agent requests your book, how long do you have before the request expires? Not very.

The topic on this one is date specific requests for a partial, but the most interesting bits are down at the bottom where she talks about what to send along with the requested partial--important advice.

Things to send with your requested partial.

Three chapters really means three chapters, apparently regardless of length. No sure how I feel about this one-the 77 pages referenced is that far from the 50 that I often hear as 3 chapters standard. I do wonder if the answer would have been different if three chapters meant 15 pages or 150.

Publishing Economics

Epublishing. She didn't think much of it in professional terms at the time (2 years ago), and I doubt that opinion will have changed too much. There are a number of credible venues out there now, especially for short market F&SF, but as far as books go, not so much.

The market for an as yet unsold book is not counted in readers it's counted in editors buying that type of book. I hadn't thought about this in quite this way, though it's exactly how I've always thought of short story markets.

Libraries are good.

Notes on the used book market, which contained this absolute gem, "ARCs are fearsomely expensive. MORE expensive to produce on a per unit basis than the actual book itself."

Publishing and profit, why it sucks to be a midlister.

Diminishing sales and the death of an author's name.

A truly excellent explanation of royalties and discounts and the economics of publishing and books stores.

An industry post on some of the differences between small and large presses in terms of book availability, marketing clout, etc.

Queries

Book taxonomy for queries. Category vs. description. Notes on how to label your book for agency consumption.

Mirroring, or tailoring your query toward the specific agent by looking at the adjectives and adverbs the agent uses to describe what s/he's looking for and putting some of them into the query. I'd never thought of this but it's very smart.

Querying an agent with a new novel after a previous reject.

A couple of guest posts on querying multiple agents at the same agency. Brian DeFiore. Jenny Bent and Lucienne Diver.

A two page query letter is better than a badly formatted one page letter. A properly formatted one page query letter is better still.

E-queries and how do you send pages if not via attachment. Guest blogged since Miss Snark doesn't take them, with some general advice as well as the formatting stuff.

Make sure to safelist the agents you're equerying in your spam blocker if you want to actually hear back from them.

Querying weird stuff. Or what to do when you've written something that doesn't fit into the usual linear novel box.

Don't simultaneously query multiple agents at the same agency.

If you haven't received a response to your query in two months chances are it's lost. So, go ahead and send it again.

Most queries aren't so hot. That doesn't mean the agent won't read your stuff.

On e-queries, do make sure that you check them with a couple of email services for formatting problems.

What to say in your query if you want to come across as doing your research but not as a stalker.

Novel queries really don't need biographical information. Or, you don't have to be a lawyer to write about them. In fact it might be better if you weren't.

Things agents like to hear in a query letter, that suggest the writer has learned some things about the agent in a good way.

A good list of what is and is not important in a query letter.

Great stuff on how much plot to include in a query and how that differs from what you include in a synopsis.

Personalizing a query letter. Do you really need to do more than make sure it's got the right name and address and the like? Mostly no.

Another listing of stupid query mistakes. I find these fascinating, in part because I can't imagine why someone thought that most of them were a good idea.

How to write a hook an excellent primer.

Why you should write the best query you possibly can? Hint it's a tough old business and the query is the first piece of your writing the agent sees.

Ten things you can do to wreck your query letter.

How should you put your website info in your query? A simple technical question with a simple answer.

Rejection

Form rejection letters and the contents of her slush pile. It's always good to remind yourself that rejection letters don't mean anything more than no.

Rejections of the love the writing, the idea is not right for us variety.

Good advice on how to say thank you to an agent who turned you down this time, but did it in a way that makes you happy or want to try them again.

Thanking an agent who's rejected your work. This is fine if it's just a "thank you" and not a "but wait." Apropos of which, don't argue with the rejection or go back and say neener neener. My note: Not only is that impolite, it's also a really dumb career move for more than just the reasons Miss Snark lists. Publishing is a small world. We all know each other and "idiot" stories get around.

What does an agent owe a writer who submits to them? A decision. That's all. No explanations, no second chances, just a yes or no. This is harsh, but I agree with it.

Resubmission

Querying an agent on a revised project.

On resubmission of reworked material, (fine if time has passed) queries to agents, (ditto) novels to publishers, and (bad idea) pages to agents who haven't yet responded to the original package.

Requerying, the don'ts.

Revisions

A Miss Snark link: In which the practice of free rewrites is discussed. A free rewrite is when an editor says I love this but... and then convinces the author to revise without a contract or any other sort of promise. I've seen this happen to a number of folks in F&SF with much work and wailing and gnashing of teeth going into a project that the editor then fails to buy.

When your editor asks you to do something, do you: A, do it. B, send an email to Miss Snark or someone else asking whether or not you should. C, ignore her. D, something else. I'll give you a hint. It's not B or C, and it's only D if that something else is talk back and forth with your editor to find out how best to approach the problem that made her request that you do A.

What to do when an agent requests revisions. Miss Snark suggests you do them. If not, make very sure you explain why you'd rather not and have a dialogue with the agent on the topic. I'm mostly in agreement with her provided that you as the writer agree that the revisions will make the book better. You are the writer and you have to make the final call on what you will and won't do. But that has to be informed by the understanding that if you won't do what an editor or agent wants, you may not be working with that person anymore. This is a tough one and I think I'll do a front page post on it later.

Rights Questions

Publishing and song permissions, or why public domain is your friend--there and for poetry.

On the copyright of unpublished letters.

Fascinating post on inherited literary properties-what to do with Grandpa's diaries and unpublished novels.

Foreign rights or, am I ever going to get paid? Yes, eventually, probably.

You can't copyright an idea.

Don't register your copyright before you send your MS out to agents and editors. And if you do, don't tell them about it. Of course, this is for books. Screenplays and anything Hollywood is a very different animal.

A nice precis on some of the differences in rights sales for short stories and novels. Or: First rights are for short stories.

More on what the registration of copyright actually does for you: statutory damages. You still don't need to register your copyright before sending a manuscript out. This is just by way of clarification of how the system works.

Ideas aren't copyrightable or, you're all right if the words are different, even if the story is similar. Mind you, if the story is too similar, there's a good chance no one will buy it because it's been done before and quite possibly better.

Rights reversion clauses, a quick explanation.

Nobody steals novel plots. Really, they don't. There's no money in it.

Royalties and Getting Paid

On payment for a published novel, advances, on acceptance, on publication, etc. with significant contributions in the comments.

Book packagers. A question on what to do when you've landed a work-for-hire type writing gig. And an absolutely fascinating post on book packagers looking for work-for-hire writers and the difficulties thereof. This is one of those "I didn't know anything about this corner of the industry" posts that I particularly enjoy reading.

A fascinating post on reading royalty statements, and services that can help authors with making sense of them. And, more on royalties ,like what to do when they go missing.

Submissions, General

Overcoming the fear of sending your work in. Nice.

Submissions and smoking--get fresh paper and don't smoke around your query because it permeates the paper--something that never would have occurred to me.

Suggestions for what to send when you can't find the submission guidelines for a given agent.

Just stick the thing in an envelope and let it go. On manuscript submission and special handling--hint, bad idea. Boxes edition. Plus, registered mail.

Agents and international submissions, or the trouble with IRCs (International Reply Coupons).

Miss Snark wants you to skip the prologue when sending your first ten pages. Not sure how I feel about that personally but it's worth listening to her reasoning.

Don't put the dedication or acknowledgments page in a submission copy of the manuscript. That's added after a project has sold and (my note) should include your agent and editor for the project.

When you can write requested material on a manuscript. Hint, only if the person requesting it tells you to.

How many manuscripts can you have out to agents at a given time? All of them.

No, you don't need a perfect first line but it sure doesn't hurt. This one is worth the read for the context of this quote: "We set things down when they're bad, not when they're not good enough."

If given a choice is it better to send paper copy or electronic. Electronic. I firmly agree.

A note on the agency slush pile–not only does it get read, most clients come out of it. Really. Truly. She kids you not.

Agents make mistakes with submissions. It happens all the time. That doesn't mean the agent's incompetent, just human. More on that, now with statistics!

Forever stamps. Seems like a fabulous idea. I know nothing about them, but if I were doing the query dance I'd definitely be looking into them.

Email. It doesn't always arrive at the end looking like it look when you sent it. Be aware of this. Make arrangements.

Synopses

In this section of the snarkives we find several portions relevant to the subject of synopses, something I've talked about before in my pitching/synopses suck series of post here, here and here. Miss Snark thinks they suck too. What does she want in terms of synopsis length? Synopsis vs. outline.

A great post on the actual uses of a synopsis, or why the agent wants one. I've got another synopsis post brewing in my head as well, maybe later this week.

Still more on synopses. Don't do them first person. And, brevity vs. flavor.

Synopsis stuff--line spacing.

Synopses, less is more. Miss Snark likes them at 1,000 words or less. I'm not entirely sure I agree with her for F&SF where you have to go into more detail for both world and plot then you do for many other genres.

Synopsis minutia and line spacing.

The purpose of the synopsis. Have I mentioned how much I hate writing these? They suck.

Waiting for Agent Responses

90 days before you are allowed to query on your requested novel MS, minimum.

There are a very small number of reasons that are acceptable for bothering an agent who is looking over your work.

What an Agent Does

What does an agent do besides sell books and negotiate contacts?

Four days in the life of an agent. Great stuff for anyone who wants to know how the industry side of things work, and really if you're a writer you should probably want to know this stuff. I found it fascinating. Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 One thing I found particularly interesting was her description of taking a client to a publisher meet and greet so that the publishers could give the client a once over with eyes to future promotion and the big prizes. That's day 2.

A pair of posts on why an agent doesn't always keep a client up to date on where things are on submission. The opportunity side. The client/agent relationship side.

Why you need an agent even for small deals if at all possible.

Publishing houses and their divisions and policies: A house of mirrors or just a maze. Maybe both.

More agency statistics, clients signed vs, queries, fulls, and partials. Plus some notes on same and why agents keep on digging through the slush.

Writing the Book

On reader sensibilities, which touches on the implicit contract between reader and writer, though it's more a reminder of the reader than anything else.

Write what you love. What she said.

Miss Snark on being prolific. She prefers slow writing. I flat out disagree with her on this. It doesn't matter a jot what speed you write at. What matters is how well you write, and in my experience that's largely unrelated to rate of production. If that's slow, fine. If it's fast, also fine. The trick is building a career that plays to the strengths of your mode.

Miss Snark says, "Read." Read widely in your field.

Here, because it's one of my pet peeves is Miss Snark saying that the old sawwrite what you know is crap. Ya-huh. Right there with her.

Following one of her links, is the Turkey City lexicon–a list of bad ideas and tropes in F&SF stored on the SFWA servers.

Interesting post on the use of brand names in fiction. I would add a note that if you do use brand names in a non-complimentary way, you'd better have a darned good reason if you don't want them to be edited out of your book.

Something I firmly agree with: Even character-driven novels need a plot.

THE END

P.S. This is a highly distilled version. As anyone who's looks through the snarkives for themselves will know, this is not an exhaustive list. There's a lot of funny and time specific stuff that I didn't put into the index in the interests of keeping it compact enough to be manageable. I also didn't include any links to her crapometer posts (where she did actual critique of reader queries) an enormous service to writers looking to hone their hooks. I think I've hit the most important stuff, but the list reflects my own biases on what most writers are going to find most useful.