tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32085591.post6673914931436347103..comments2023-11-07T21:12:19.852-06:00Comments on Wyrdsmiths: The Proverbial Adverb-sarytate hallawayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06631759014508937940noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32085591.post-72198371015605950222008-01-12T21:20:00.000-06:002008-01-12T21:20:00.000-06:00I don't think it's matter of cutting out adverbs a...I don't think it's matter of cutting out adverbs and adjectives all the time, Sean -- just when they don't add to the scene or action they are being applied to. In this example, it arguably *is* carrying some water, in that it implies or reminds the reader of the history between Elias and the narrator. However, that won't be the case all the time. <BR/><BR/>You need to decide when an adj/adv is telling the reader something they need to know vs. something you simply want them to know just because that is the way you see it in your head. If the reader knows the context and can read the dialog/situation, a lot of times the added cues aren't needed. In other words, you have to trust your reader to "get it".<BR/><BR/>One way to write it without any adjectives (and I give this only as food for thought -- I'm not trying to rewrite your scene) would be: "Here was Elias, though, smiling at him as he had so many times over their lessons in the past. But all X could do was stand there, his fingers twining themselves in his mantle."<BR/><BR/>Heaven knows, I put in plenty of adverbs and adjectives myself, especially in the first draft. I would say try to be conscious of it now, and be ruthless about it later when you are going back through everything.Douglas Hulickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04221190213829107139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32085591.post-37886774275822540252008-01-12T19:00:00.000-06:002008-01-12T19:00:00.000-06:00My take on this would be: how does the boy know th...My take on this would be: how does the boy know the smile is encouraging? Maybe it reminds him of a smile from another situation (as in Kelly's example), or maybe there's another cue, like a nod or a wink. That's what I would try to bring out in the text.<BR/><BR/>Then again, I'm just reading Stephen King's "On Writing," and he rails against adverbs in it, so I might be biased. I do think that in this case, you've got a chance to explore more of the relationship between the two, or to use the relationship to make the gesture more meaningful.Tim Susmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02354987680992285327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32085591.post-39730095479207078082008-01-12T13:00:00.000-06:002008-01-12T13:00:00.000-06:00He looked like he did when he prompted Elias throu...<I>He looked like he did when he prompted Elias through a tough math problem that Elias was sure would be too much for him. </I><BR/><BR/>In other words, encouragingly.<BR/><BR/>I don't think there's anything wrong with the extra characterization, but I also have no problem with "encouragingly." If it had been one of a string of adverbs, with no sign of other approaches to description, then it would have made me twitchy. But the goddess of language gave us adverbs for a reason. IMO.<BR/><BR/>Which approach you take--the longer sentence or the single adverb--can't, in my opinion, be decided by recourse to a simple rule. You need to ask yourself, how important is the smiler to the story? Is he a major character or a spear-carrier, or something in between? How much attention do you want the reader to pay to him at this moment? What's your word limit, or how long is this scene already? How much other description and characterization have you already done?<BR/><BR/>Just my take on it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32085591.post-9580253314534543872008-01-12T10:00:00.000-06:002008-01-12T10:00:00.000-06:00I like your paragraph, Sean, but I don't like "enc...I like your paragraph, Sean, but I don't like "encouragingly." You could say something like "...his teacher from back home, smiling at him. He looked like he did when he prompted Elias through a tough math problem that Elias was sure would be too much for him. He tried to smile back, but the gesture felt fake" instead. Here you've got a little bit of characterization on both people in one sentence. <BR/><BR/>As for me, I suuuuuuuck at the metaphor. Truly terrible at it. Some writers can make a comparison between, say an orange and a field mouse so well that I say, "of course. Why haven't I thought of that similarity before?" It's something I'll still be trying to master twenty years from now.Kelly Swailshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08712523963592799928noreply@blogger.com