Friday, February 01, 2008

Dear Feline Collective Follow-Up

Re: ugly development in lapsharing negotiations.

It has come to management's attention that already today the writer-in-residence has twice had, not one, but two cats taking up valuable lap space normally devoted to the means of writerly production (see laptop, Apple iBook G4).

Further it has come to management's attention that resolution of which cat retained possession of said lap was resolved through hissing and intimidation. Once, blows were even exchanged. This is simply not acceptable and may actually result in demonstration by writer-in-residence that despite normal dominance protocols, writer-in-residence is in fact a larger predator, one who outweighs said cats by an order of magnitude.

Please take note of the fact that despite being a Cat Softie, with a capital CS, writer-in-residence has a very limited patience for anything that involves potential bleeding, and adjust your negotiating strategies accordingly.

Thank you,
The management


Bethany K. Warner said...

HA! Maybe management can explain this concept as well to my one cat as well as why standing on the device of writerly production is equally unhelpful.

Anonymous said...

To: Management
Re: Excess memoranda and attitude adjustment

We are in receipt of your previous memoranda, and while we appreciate that your kind has an inexplicable need for incessant verbal expression, we must remind you that we typically indulge this inanity with admirable patience considering that we don't, so much, you know, give a crap about any of that. It is clear to us that you are extremely emotionally invested in your means of writerly production, and while we don't so much give a crap about any of that either, we are willing to attempt to increase our tolerance level for your silliness to the extent that you are willing to increase your deliverance to us of delicious treats. (Please see attached schedule for an enumerated listing of acceptable delicious treats.)

However, please be advised that at this point the memoranda are becoming excessive and that the thinly veiled threats therein referencing predator mammals are wholly unacceptable. We may be short, but we are well aware of the fact that we vastly outnumber you. No one wants this to turn ugly. Please also be advised that we know where you sleep.

The Feline Collective

Kelly McCullough said...

Giggling very muchly, Jen. That might explain why Jordan has taken to sitting on my head and purring for twenty minutes at 5:00 am.